Milo is obsessed with superheros lately. I’m not sure exactly how or when it started, but now he eats, plays, and bathes with Spiderman and Batman action figures (Superman figures don’t exist right now, apparently). He also wears his superhero costume most of the day, every day. It’s the cutest thing ever. We’ve all been assigned characters to be for Halloween: Milo-Superman, Eliot-Batman, Dad- Spiderman, Mom-Wonder Woman. I’m gearing up to sew costumes with a lot of spandex this year…for everyone except for Dave who has issued me the challenge of making a Spiderman costume without spandex. Hmm. I like a good challenge.
While I think it is really fun for Milo to be so excited about “superguys”, I don’t love all of the talk and thought of fighting. Even though it is for the protection of the public, or for a greater good, fighting is sort of what superheros do. It’s not something that pre-schoolers should do. In fact, it’s what I spend a lot of energy trying to help Milo avoid! I want him to learn to handle uncomfortable and seemingly unfair situations without agression. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I would love to help him learn to express his feelings, and talk about what is bothering him. Is that unrealistic?
There are many adults who have never learned to control their anger and frustration (myself included from time to time), let alone three-year-olds. I know that the lesson will be a process, and there are sure to be many failed attempts at peaceful solutions. I would love to instill in him, and my other children, the confidence that they can chose their actions, rather than being forced to react to whatever situation arises before them. Having the calm ability to act rather than be acted upon will be such a valuable life skill, and will create such a solid character.
When Dave and I decided to start our family, I thought so much about changing diapers, learning lullabies, and wiping chubby cheeks. As I approach the very tiniest beginning of my eternal endeavor to teach, guide, and instill truth into my children, I am humbled by the vastness of the responsibility. Of course, in a lot of ways, children will grow as they may. But I’ve no doubt that the path we help them walk now will form solid ground for their future decisions. No pressure, right?
Hmm. Well, when we couldn’t find a Superman action figure at the store on Monday, I let Milo choose a Batman sword instead. So, that was a good start to teaching him to not fight. Haha. Actually, it may help provide some additional teaching opportunities…and if it motivates him to stay in his bed all night for three nights in a row (as it was intended to do) I’ll be happy.
I’m obviously taking baby steps in this parenting thing…not leaping tall buildings in a single bound.
If you have any related advice, I’d love to hear it!
4 Comments
I love the thoughts behind what you said. It’s important for little girls who like barbies and princesses to be told that they are more than just damsels in distress. It’s equally important to talk to kids who want to fight like super heroes about more productive ways to deal with aggression and injustice.
“As I approach the very tiniest beginning of my eternal endeavor to teach, guide, and instill truth into my children, I am humbled by the vastness of the responsibility.”
What a great approach to motherhood!
Thanks for your feedback, Kate!
I haven’t even thought about girls and their favorites. You’re right that there is something to teach all of them…a lot to teach, I guess! What a fun/crazy adventure.
xo
you just NEVER know what will work and what will backfire. isaac totally gleaned onto the idea of “manners” after only one or two small mentions – not even discussions – of what they are. but now, if he ever gets into trouble by me, or i tell him the answer is no, he tells me i have bad manners. the same goes for his brother and sister when they do something he does’t like. so now we have a manners snob… who isn’t quite using manners himself because he’s running around blaming everyone else for when things don’t go 100% perfectly his way. i think this is why parenting is suggested as part of how to become closer to God. because you really do just have to pray about everything when it comes to your kids! ha!
I’ve thought about this post a bunch, and I thought similar things to Kate. I have just one 4 year-old daughter, who is obsessed with princesses. I have really resisted the princess mania, because I am horrified by the thought of her thinking she needs to be rescued by a handsome prince. I don’t want her focused on beauty and marriage; I want her to focus on being strong, smart, and caring. But I also don’t want to draw attention to the issue by forbidding princesses or something like that. It’s such tricky business. I have taken to editing princess stories– if she asks me to tell her the story of Cinderella, I just add to the end that, after she was reunited with the prince, she went to college, and they took a couple years to get to know one another, and then they got married.
Anyway, I think it’s a constant battle of letting your kids express themselves and enjoy their own interests while also instilling those important life lessons and finding your own boundaries of what works for you/your family. Plus, I think a fascination with fighting and death is totally normal (even for my daughter), so I try to remember that– they’re just trying to figure out how life works.